I’ve just read the greatest paragraph about parenthood I’ve ever had the pleasure to laugh out loud to, so I thought I’d share. This is from Tim Kreider’s mostly excellent book We Learn Nothing.
“Most of my married friends now have children, the rewards of which appear to be exclusively intangible and, like the mysteries of some gnostic sect, incommunicable to outsiders. It’s as if these people have joined a cult: they claim to be happier and more fulfilled than ever before, even though they live in conditions of appalling filth and degradation, deprived of the most basic freedoms and dignity, and owe unquestioning obedience to a pampered sociopathic monster whose every whim is law… They’re frantic and haggard and constantly exhausted, getting through the days on a sleep deficit of three years, complaining about how busy and circumscribed their lives are, as though they hadn’t freely chosen it all.”
I suppose this is only funny to someone who has willingly joined this cult… I used to tell my friends that having a child is like taking on a second full-time job where you are on call 24 hours a day, and your boss is a screaming whiny bastard who will ask you to do ridiculous things for him like wiping his ass and letting him puke on your new shirt. Good luck with that!