Tag Archives: sex

The Most Miserable Way to Live Forever

There is a program being sold online that claims to teach you 5 Ancient Tibetan Yoga moves that will vastly improve your health. Okay, nothing too surprising there.

If you read that book you will discover that the 5 Yoga moves are “borrowed” from a much older book first published in 1939 called “Ancient Secrets of the Fountain of Youth” by Peter Kelder. Here is a short blurb from the book description to give you a taste of what we are up against.

2Q==Legend has it that hidden in the remote reaches of the Himalayan mountains lies a secret that would have saved Ponce de Leon from years of fruitless searching. There, generations of Tibetan monks have passed down a series of exercises with mystical, age-reversing properties. Known as the Tibetan Rites of Rejuvenation or the Five Rites, these once-secret exercises are now available to Westerners in Ancient Secret of the Fountain Of Youth. Peter Kelder’s book begins with an account of his own introduction to the rites by way of Colonel Bradford, a mysterious retired British army officer who learned of the rites while journeying high up in the Himalayas.

 I suppose in the 1930s these 5 yoga poses must have seemed wildly exotic to a bunch of British soldiers, but in today’s day and age I’m not sure we can assume that 5 yoga moves will make you live any longer than average.
But anyway, that’s not the point… let’s get to the good stuff.

How to Live Forever

It turns out the the Tibetan Yogis taught the British Colonel a secret method that any man (not sure if this will work for women… sorry ladies) can use to not just live longer, but, literally, live FOREVER!

And the secret is this:

Do Not Ejaculate.

Ever.

3ogix1You see, whenever a man ejaculates he loses a bit of his life force. Ejaculate regularly and you will die at a normal age like any regular dude who loves sex and masturbation.

But practice abstinence — not just from sex but from all ejaculation — and you will become immortal.

Sounds cool. But who the fuck wants to live without ever ejaculating? Not me… that’s for sure. And that’s why I call this “The Most Miserable Way to Live Forever.”

Good luck guys… and please let me know how it goes.

Sex With Animals — Is It Wrong?

Seems like no matter how innocuous a search term you plug into the web, you inevitably get a thousand links to hardcore porn. A search for safe toys for kids brings up a long string of dildos, vibrators and the like. An innocent research topic like corporal punishment gathers up S&M sites and so much more…

No surprise, then, while trying to find some info on “Beauty and the Beast” for my four-year-old, I came upon a plethora of beastiality/bestiality sites. So there I am, faced with a woman giving a horse a blow job, and another being done doggy-style, by a dog, and I think: this is totally rude, completely utterly wrong, clearly morally repugnant, no matter how you look at it.

But then a contradictory voice inside my head asked: “What’s the big problem? This is a victimless crime.” (Is it a crime to suck off a pig, I wondered?) Those women, presumably, are old enough to make up their own minds about what they fuck, and those animals…

Well, those animals, honestly, couldn’t look happier, with their ecstatic grins and their eager tongues flapping. We all know that dogs will hump anything that moves; do you think they are being harmed in any way, shape or form whatsoever? Contrary-voice-in-my-head says “I doubt it, if I was that dog, I’d love to hump a 5’10” busty blond bimbo.”

So why does it fill us with so much disgust to see people having sex with animals? I mean, it is obviously wrong, isn’t it? Everyone I have talked to feels very strongly that sex with animals is a disgusting, crass, rude, and filthy thing. Wrong, wrong, wrong!

703206fbd7dc596859f6e2946f2d3ba7_square_fullsizeWhy Is Sex With Animals Wrong?

Actually, I can’t think of a logical reason, but it sure feels wrong. It must be wrong, it’s just sooo… wrong! I’m sure the gods wouldn’t approve, would they? Your mom certainly wouldn’t be too happy, would she, if she saw a horse fucking you?

Your boss would frown upon it. Your best friend would probably disown you, if he or she found you humping a sheep or being boned by a dog. Who could possibly not be offended?

Yet there are, at least, thousands of people, who not only are not offended, but who are doing it, and they are letting people take pictures of them doing it, and posting those pictures online for all the world to see.

What are they thinking? Please, please, leave a comment and tell me why it’s so obviously wrong to fuck animals.

Otherwise, I may just have to try it.

Author’s name withheld until he reaches the age of consent.