I’ve just read the greatest paragraph about parenthood I’ve ever had the pleasure to laugh out loud to, so I thought I’d share. This is from Tim Kreider’s mostly excellent book We Learn Nothing.
“Most of my married friends now have children, the rewards of which appear to be exclusively intangible and, like the mysteries of some gnostic sect, incommunicable to outsiders. It’s as if these people have joined a cult: they claim to be happier and more fulfilled than ever before, even though they live in conditions of appalling filth and degradation, deprived of the most basic freedoms and dignity, and owe unquestioning obedience to a pampered sociopathic monster whose every whim is law… They’re frantic and haggard and constantly exhausted, getting through the days on a sleep deficit of three years, complaining about how busy and circumscribed their lives are, as though they hadn’t freely chosen it all.”
I suppose this is only funny to someone who has willingly joined this cult… I used to tell my friends that having a child is like taking on a second full-time job where you are on call 24 hours a day, and your boss is a screaming whiny bastard who will ask you to do ridiculous things for him like wiping his ass and letting him puke on your new shirt. Good luck with that!
Obviously ISIS is a fucked-up evil mess, but at the very least it might be understandable that angry young men would get a thrill out of starting up a new country and killing all their enemies.
But without a set of laws and a system of justice, who is going to manage your brand new country? God can’t be everywhere.
Which brings us to the petty, mindless bureaucrats. Anyone who lives in a western democracy knows that these fucktards are the bane of our existence. They blindly follow pointless rules, relish in holding a miniscule amount of power over you, and are incapable of logical thought in order to solve a tiny little problem.
But at least they don’t have machine guns and the right to tell you how to dress, what to eat, where to go and who to be friends with.
Unlike the guys who enforce the rules in the new Islamic caliphate run by ISIS.
Here is a short clip from a fascinating VICE News documentary about the city of Raqqa, in which they follow around an ISIS bureaucrat with a machine gun who drives around town telling everyone what to do and forcing them all to live by his interpretation of all those stupid rules hidden somewhere within the fine print of the Koran. If I lived in a town like this and some brainwashed fundamentalist fuckhead was telling me what to do I would go ape-shit.
Welcome to hell on Earth. Thanks a lot, ISIS, you ignorant fucking assholes. I’d like to tell you that your warped religion is based on a fairy tale, but I realize that you’re too closed-minded to ever listen to a second opinion. Ironically, I hope there is a God so that your evil souls can rot in hell for being such a shits right here on Earth.