In all the feedback I get on my various websites I receive one burning question more than any other.
“How do I join the Illuminati?”
In fact, this question is asked at a 20 to 1 ratio to all other questions combined, and is invariably followed up with an offer of cash, blood, and a little slice of their soul if only I would get them into the secret society which rules the world.
So what do I tell these poor, pathetic followers? Well, my first instinct is to offer inclusion into this exclusive club for the low, low price of $599. But for you, my friend, I can give you this one-time limited deal for $399. Just send your cash, blood and soul and I’ll get back to you.
But only an evil member of the Illuminati would do that. Instead, I have to give you the boring truth.
There is no way to join the Illuminati. You must be born into it.
That’s it. Sorry. Unless you become a multi-billionaire. But even that’s no guarantee.
So if you weren’t born into the Illuminati, your only hope is that reincarnation is real. And better luck next time!
You’ve seen the commercials. There are starving children in Africa and they want us to feed them. Put down your white guilt for a moment and look at this objectively.
They want me to save these children? Whose children are they? What country is this? What kind of nation lets children become sick and malnourished while the dictators live in palaces and shoot their opposition? You want me to send money there and pray that some of these children get a few drops of water out of my donation?
No thank you.
And if I do send you a coffee’s worth of change every day? What if I save one child? What are the chances that this child will grow up to have a worthwhile life. Pretty slim. Odds are this child will grow up and get pregnant at an early age and have yet another sick and starving child. Brilliant.
But that won’t happen, because the executives who run these charitable organizations need to get paid first. And then they need money to film more commercials. Don’t forget the bribes to pay to the militants who run these nations. What’s left? A few pennies out of every dollar to keep a child alive for another day of suffering.
Yes, I am incredibly heartless. I understand that. But what is the point of keeping sick, starving people alive in a nation that will not take care of them and where they have absolutely zero chance of a fulfilling life. The sooner all of these people learn not to have children they cannot feed the better off they will be. I, for one, am not going to waste my money to keep the treadmill of misery going on and on and on and on.
P.S. When I was young there were starving children in China as well. And now there are not. What changed? The government brought in free enterprise and capitalism and now China is becoming a superpower. That is the only answer, and that is the direction Africa must take. 29 cents a day from a guilt-striken liberal in North America won’t do shit.
This is what you look like when you chant like a mindless drone. Why not try formulating some logical arguments and then winning the debate with facts? Oh, too difficult? Okay, just go back to chanting.
The left is really stupid. They look out at a society — western, democratic capitalism — the most successful engine of wealth distribution and equality in the world’s history. A system that has raised entire continents out of poverty. A system that has given women the vote. A system that has given equal rights to blacks, gays, all the rest of it. You know, citizens in the west, in Europe and North America, enjoy privileges and rights and equality unprecedented anywhere else in the world.
And the left’s response to this, Is tear down the institutions and principles that gave them those rights, and return our countries to the sort of chaos and warmongering and internal divisions that exist in the rest of the world, where women are forced to wear veils, and have acid thrown in their faces. Where gays are hanged from cranes, where people kill each other over political disputes in the street.
The left’s response to the systems that have given everybody equal opportunities and access to the workplace, to education, to the public square. The system that we have built that has made us great. You know America is the greatest country in the world, Europe has produced the greatest culture in the world.
The system that enabled and produced all of that stuff is somehow the problem? I don’t mind calling that stupid.
You know you’ve won the debate when your opponent can’t even think of some dumb platitude as a rebuttal but just sits there in silent defeat…
The point is this: before you shit all over white men ask yourself where you would like to live if you were an oppressed minority. Probably not any African or Asian country. Not anywhere dominated by macho Latinos. Nope. You would want to live in a country run by white men, because they will grant you more rights and respects than any other nation on Earth.
These days there are horrific terrorist attacks almost every day. And that’s incredibly sickening and disheartening.
But let’s take a look at the slight sliver of a silver lining.
If these backwards-thinking psychopaths simply moved into Europe and North American and quietly took over Western Civilization by pumping out dozens of children each they would succeed in just a few more decades.
But by killing innocent people every day they have exposed themselves for the evil monsters that they are, and now the Western sheep who would have quietly been displaced are now starting to grow a backbone and will, hopefully, soon start fighting back.
I, for one, can’t wait to see what kind of backlash the Germans are capable of if Islamist extremists continue to hack their way through the Fatherland.
Before you go to your stupid protest with a sign that reads “Fuck Capitalism” why not pull your head out of your ass and try to learn something?
You don’t even need to crack open a book. Just look at pictures of North Korea versus South Korea to figure it out. Same people, same geography, same history, same language, but vastly different results. What’s the difference? Yes, capitalism.
Without capitalism you have nothing. Literally. So put your stupid sign away, you’re embarrassing yourself.
It isn’t capitalism that is the problem. It is evil, violent criminals who steal the wealth that capitalism gives us. Figure it out, dummy. If we had your Marxist revolution we would all starve to death.
Of all the First World Problems you could be whining about, worrying about the weather has got to be the first-worldiest.
So let’s assume you’re right. Let’s assume that climate change is happening and the world is going to be 2 or 4 or 6 degrees warmer in 10, 20 or 50 years.
Okay, you win. But before you ask me to spend trillions of dollars to bring down the temperature a little bit you have to answer the next logical question:
What’s wrong with a slightly warmer planet?
Most climate change hysterics don’t realize that the Earth has been warmer than it is now at various times throughout it’s geological history, and in those warmer eras humans have thrived, becoming healthier and wealthier and happier than ever before. It is only when the temperature drops that we become miserable and freeze to death.
There is a program being sold online that claims to teach you 5 Ancient Tibetan Yoga moves that will vastly improve your health. Okay, nothing too surprising there.
If you read that book you will discover that the 5 Yoga moves are “borrowed” from a much older book first published in 1939 called “Ancient Secrets of the Fountain of Youth” by Peter Kelder. Here is a short blurb from the book description to give you a taste of what we are up against.
Legend has it that hidden in the remote reaches of the Himalayan mountains lies a secret that would have saved Ponce de Leon from years of fruitless searching. There, generations of Tibetan monks have passed down a series of exercises with mystical, age-reversing properties. Known as the Tibetan Rites of Rejuvenation or the Five Rites, these once-secret exercises are now available to Westerners in Ancient Secret of the Fountain Of Youth. Peter Kelder’s book begins with an account of his own introduction to the rites by way of Colonel Bradford, a mysterious retired British army officer who learned of the rites while journeying high up in the Himalayas.
I suppose in the 1930s these 5 yoga poses must have seemed wildly exotic to a bunch of British soldiers, but in today’s day and age I’m not sure we can assume that 5 yoga moves will make you live any longer than average.
But anyway, that’s not the point… let’s get to the good stuff.
How to Live Forever
It turns out the the Tibetan Yogis taught the British Colonel a secret method that any man (not sure if this will work for women… sorry ladies) can use to not just live longer, but, literally, live FOREVER!
And the secret is this:
Do Not Ejaculate.
You see, whenever a man ejaculates he loses a bit of his life force. Ejaculate regularly and you will die at a normal age like any regular dude who loves sex and masturbation.
But practice abstinence — not just from sex but from all ejaculation — and you will become immortal.
Sounds cool. But who the fuck wants to live without ever ejaculating? Not me… that’s for sure. And that’s why I call this “The Most Miserable Way to Live Forever.”
Good luck guys… and please let me know how it goes.
Slavery has been a part of human civilization for as long as there have been humans on this planet. In every country, in every era, people with power have enslaved the weakest and most vulnerable members of the race.
All African nations, all Asian nations, all European nations and all North and South American Indian nations practiced slavery.
So, in short, slavery has always existed and everyone went along with it and accepted it as just a way of life.
Oh, except for white European and North American men. They were the only people in the history of the world to realize that slavery is a horrible, morally-reprehensible condition and they were the only people in the history of the world to try to put a stop to it.
Just a good point to remember the next time some dummy tries to argue about slavery and racism and reparations and other ridiculous nonsense. They might not realize that slavery has nothing to do with race, as people of all races have been enslaved. The word slavery itself comes from the word Slavs, who are the white eastern European people who were the world’s first slaves.
They also might not realize that white people didn’t go to Africa and kidnap black people and make them slaves.
White people went to Africa and bought slaves from slave-owning black warlords. And then they freed them.
As the comic Jarrod Carmichael said (I’m paraphrasing here):
“Thank God for slavery. If it weren’t for slavery I’d be living in Africa right now! Africa! Instead I have my own HBO stand up comedy special!”
You see, Jarrod understands that living in America is about a million times better than living in most parts of Africa. African-Americans are the richest black people on the planet, even though they are the “poorest” Americans.
Face it, if you were about to give birth to a black child which country would you want that child born in? Would you risk him being born in some African country where he might end up a child soldier in some evil Islamic death cult?
No, if you had a choice, you would have that child born in Alabama or Mississippi, because those states are enlightened havens of liberalism compared to much of the rest of the world.
You and I are survivors of an unimaginable lineage of people who had to suffer the most horrible lives in their struggle to get out of the wrath of Mother Nature and get inside where it’s safe and warm.
For hundreds of thousands of years our ancestors worked their fingers to the bones and lived in levels of near-starvation while they struggled to figure out how to harvest enough food so that their children wouldn’t die.
How many thousands of my ancestors had to live painful lives and die even more painful deaths in order to get me to a point where I live a life of luxury that the Kings of bygone eras could only dream of?
Don’t know. It’s a lot though. So why the fuck should I give up the couch and the TV and the chips and donuts and pizza? If one of my ancient desperate forefathers could trade places with me they would do so in a heartbeat, and for once in his miserable life he could have a hot shower and a warm meal. And as much fucking dessert as he wants.
I’m doing it for you, great-great-great-grandpapa. Pass me another slice!
So this guy walks into an OB/GYN clinic and demands a gynecological exam. The doctor, a woman, takes one look at him and says, “That won’t work. You’re a man.” The man, however, “self identifies” as a woman and blasts the doctor for being a bigot. “I self identify as a woman,” he says. “And I demand to be treated as a woman, or I’ll call my civil rights lawyer.”
The doctor, not wanting to be called a bigot, proceeds to give the man a fake gynecological exam, playing into his delusional distortions about his own biology and arguably worsening his mental disconnect with his physical self.
This is what transgenderism and “biological subjectivism” has come to in America today… a politically correct demand that everyone agree to participate in the mental distortions of a few individuals who suffer from a psychological disconnect from their biological realities. Such ideologies stand in complete contradiction to the known science on biology and physical reality, and sadly, this mental distortion is now being thrust onto children as part of a sick, demented political agenda to appease the most lunatic fringe elements of the political spectrum.
Maybe it’s because I live in Canada but it’s really hard to get excited about a 4 degree warming trend over the next 100 years. First of all, humans like warmer temperatures so it’s hard to see how a warmer climate would cause us too many problems.
Studies have clearly shown that cold weather is much more dangerous to humans than warm weather. Also, the Earth has been warmer than it is today at various times in the past 250,000 years and during those warmer periods humans did far better than during any ice age.
That’s why the solution to climate change can be summed up in one word:
Yes, humans are the masters of adaptation to the environment. We can live anywhere on the planet and in any weather. Here in Canada the climate changes every year. In the summer it’s regularly 30 degrees Celcius and in the winter it can easily drop to -20. That’s a 50 degree change in 6 months! And what do we do? We adapt. You think we can’t adapt to an extra 4 degrees over the next 100 years. You’re an idiot.
In “The Matrix”, Morpheus asks Neo “have you ever had a dream that you were so sure was real? What if you were unable to wake from that dream – how could you tell the difference between the dream world and the real world?”
There’s a whole metaphor there about reality and delusion et cetera and it’s been done to death by everyone who thinks they’re a smart guy on the internets, but almost nobody understands the flipside of this coin and asks the counterpart question, which is what I’m going to ask you now:
Have you ever had a dream where you realized you were dreaming while you were still dreaming?
Some people never have, some people have on occasion, and to some people (like the undersigned) it happens all the time. This post will probably be easier for you and give you more if you have some experience of what I’m talking about, but if you don’t I’m going to walk you through it and you can probably follow just fine. It’s not a contest or an achievement to lord over anybody.
Imagine (or remember) that you’re dreaming, and things are happening in the dream, and you suddenly find yourself becoming aware of the fact that you are dreaming. How does that make you feel? What’s your reaction? What do you “do” in the dream once your know it’s a dream?
The first and most obvious realization you have at that point should be that nothing in the dream means anything or is of any consequence – it’s all just stuff your unconscious brain made up and as soon as you wake up it’ll be like it never was.
Nothing in the dream can really hurt you, and there’s nothing to really achieve. Nothing can be won or lost through your actions because it’s just a dream.
The only reason you could possibly have to take any action at all is to have a more pleasant dreaming experience. Nothing “matters” in the slightest, because the dream consists of nothing at all except your experience of the dream.
To realize this in a dream is awesome. There’s nothing to fear and everything to play with. You’re free to run around and find exciting things to drive or fight or have sex with – it’s better than any video game. It’s pretty much better than anything 99% of people ever get to do while they’re awake. There is basically nothing about the realization that it’s all meaningless and nothing matters that isn’t 100% pure awesome.
But when people have the same realization while awake… oh boy, do they take it hard and become whiny bitches. “Boo hoo, my life has no purpose, my work means nothing, no one will remember me when I’m dead and I’m pretty sure no one even cares now!” Well, hello from customer service, excuse me sir but where’s the problem?
You just had the most liberating experience it’s possible for a human being to have in this dreamstate we call “life”, and instead of enjoying your new-found freedom to the fullest and experiencing this “life” dream for everything it has to offer, you are sitting there crying like your Playstation just broke.
You probably believe that woman earn only about 78 per cent as much money as men. And that is utter horseshit.
Let me explain it in such simple turns that even a retarded child could understand. Maybe even a Social Justice Warrior.
Okay, step one. If you take all the men in the world and all the wages they earn and average it out, then that number will be about 20 per cent higher than if you take all the women in the world and all of the wages they earn and average it out.
Yes, on average, men make approximately 20 percent more money than women.
But the world is not an average place. So that number is meaningless.
The question you have to ask it: Why do men make more money, on average, than women?
Well, it’s really very simple. Virtually all of the dirty, disgusting, dangerous, shitty and life-threatening jobs are done by men. And those jobs pay more. And that pushes up the average. Simple.
On that page you will learn that 99% of coal miners are men; 99% of garbage collectors are men; 100% of deep sea fishermen are men; 100% of electrical power line installers are men; 100% of roughnecks (work the oil drill) are men; 99% of auto repair mechanics are men; 99% of roofers are men; 100% of heating, air conditioning and refrigeration mechanics are men; 98% of metal fabricators are men; 97% of aircraft maintenance and service technicians are men; 95.5% of firefighters are men; 92% of construction workers are men; 88% of patrol officers are men.
And if that isn’t clear enough, women also earn less – on average – because the average woman chooses to work less hours and take jobs that are more flexible (and thus pay less) because the average woman wants to have children and wants to spend as much time as possible with those children.
It’s really not that difficult to understand. And it certainly isn’t any male patriarchy that’s making it happen. If men had that much power they would send the women off to do all the shitty jobs and get killed in the line of duty. But men don’t. Because men are kind, sweet people who would do anything to protect women from all the dangerous bullshit of the world.
Out trusty interns have crunched the numbers and discovered these ominous trends for the coming century.
Since 1980 the obesity rate has increased 36% to an astonishing 64% of the population. At this rate it will take less than 20 years for the entire population to be overweight.
Prediction: you are probably already fat. If not, you will be chubby by 2020 and morbidly obese by 2030.
In 1980 the homosexuality rate was approximately 2%. Thanks to all those gay TV shows (like ‘Friends’ and ‘News’) the rate is now about 6%. And with 24/7 access to gay sex thanks to the internet, more and more children will embrace this fun-loving lifestyle, sparking an even larger increase in the coming decades.
Prediction: someone you know watches gay TV. You will watch gay TV by 2012. You will be gay by 2020. Everyone will be gay by 2075. Humanity will die out by 2200.
The prison population has grown even faster than fat gay sex, with an whopping increase in the prisoner population of 309% between 1980 and 2000. At this rate, 100% of the population will be in jail by the year 2063.
Prediction: If you are reading this website you are probably already in prison.
I love these old photographs of Islamic countries before the decline. You see, it proves that Islam doesn’t have to be backwards, close-minded, and radically fundamentalist. Up until the 1970s many middle-eastern countries were using their vast oil riches to modernize and begin to experiment with equal rights and freedom for all.
But now these countries are well on their way to hell on Earth.
If you are a Muslim it is time to fight back against this rot within your religion, and get back on track towards a prosperous future for your children. Or just convert to atheism and walk to Europe.
Do we really have to listen to people whining about the fact that black people aren’t up for any Oscars this year?
Hey, the award isn’t for having the darkest skin, the award is for doing exceptional work on an exceptional movie.
Do you really want us to give you an Oscar for being not quite as good as some other person, but, you know, having slightly darker skin than that person, and so, you know, you should probably get that award because you’re almost the best, and you’re also black, so, you know, close enough.
Wrong. Shut the fuck up and make a better movie next year. That’s how you win an Oscar.
When I was seven I got my first taste of media-induced paranoia after reading an article about killer bees, which, sadly, never made it to my part of the world. In fact, I don’t think they ever made it out of Colombia. I think we were saved by the ice age of the late 1970s, which killed all the killer bees.
Since then it’s been an endless parade of nonsense.
Here then, is a very small sample of all the media scares I personally have survived, from A-Z
I don’t really care that much whether people listen to me. I used to think, once upon a time as a young lad, that I’d make a name for myself, do something grand and impressive, change the world and all that stuff. I don’t care about that anymore.
Now, I’d rather not be famous. The more I’ve learned, the more I’ve come to lean toward the conclusion that the best thing in the world is for the world to leave you alone.
There is ultimately nothing to accomplish in life. You don’t need to be rich or well-liked or of prestigious social standing. You don’t need much of anything to be happy. You just need to focus on being happy, because you can only do one thing at a time in life.
There is something so hard for people to admit that most would deny its obvious truth. The truth is too shameful.
The truth is that wherever you are is where you want to be. Whatever you are doing is what you want to do. You do not need to learn time management. You are managing your time exactly how you want to. It’s not a failure of willpower. You are exerting your will exactly as you want to.
Does your life suck? Do you suffer from some medical ailment? Are you fat? Do you have trouble meeting people? Are you in debt? Does your job suck?
If so, why haven’t you changed? It is the 21st century. Have you ever looked at this thing called the Internet? Have you been to a public library? Have you shopped at Amazon? Do you know about online message forums?
Pick the most obscure subject in the world and I guarantee there is a web forum devoted to it.
I had a strange skin ailment afflict me. This ailment is so rare that it’s not even diagnosed by most doctors. Yet there is a message board devoted to the subject. There are hundreds of people exchanging stories and tips. I was able to find the leading researcher on this ailment. I also learned that a trip to the Dead Sea will basically cure me. I just need to get “well enough” in order to take the trip.
If I can find out how to cure something that affects something like .0001% of the population, why are you fat and miserable? Why can’t you get laid? Why is your credit garbage?
It sure isn’t because you lack information. There are probably a dozen different dieting books that would help you lose weight. Paleo, vegetation, fruitarian, South Beach, Zone…Pick one. They will all work.
How many books are there with “personal finance” in the title? Suze Orman and Dave Ramsey’s books are cheesy but they undoubtedly work. No one who has actually followed the advice has ever said, “Total Money Makeover doesn’t work!” Buy one and follow it. That’s all it takes to become debt free.
The saddest secret in the world is that you’re miserable by choice. You don’t want to get better. You are content to wallow in your own fecal matter, like a hog.
I personally have no problem with that. It’s your life. Do your thing.
Just don’t act as if you aren’t, with each decision made day after day, singularly responsible for ruining it.
The Illuminati is a secret society that is rumored to control all world events.
The Illuminati and members of their organization are especially influential in the entertainment industry. It is alleged that members must make a blood sacrifice to the clan in order to gain fame and reach higher ranks.
Many famous people have allegedly been killed by the Illuminati for failure to comply with the plan. Still others were killed as part of one of these Illuminati blood sacrifices and for the greater good of the organization.
These Illuminati sacrifices are very hard to prove, so we will present the facts and it will be up to you whether you want to believe them or not.
Anyone who has seen a real refugee crisis caused by war will easily see that the majority of the refugees flooding into Europe are actually just welfare cheats looking for the most free money they can possibly receive.
After all, a real war refugee will not leave a safe country like Turkey and risk the lives of his young children in a shitty boat in order to go to Greece. A real war refugee will stay as close to his home country as possible so that it will be easy to reunite with his family when the war ends. A real refugee won’t risk the lives of his children by walking through 10 European countries in order to get to Germany, Denmark, or Sweden.
Only a person who is looking for as much free money, housing, healthcare and other social benefits as possible would make such a journey.
And the internet is filled with sickeningly hilarious clips of so-called war refugees complaining about the help they are being given by European countries.
Judge for yourself: War Refugee or Welfare Cheat?
A real war refugee is grateful for a place to sleep, and doesn’t complain about it being too cold at night. A real war refugee is grateful to be fed, and doesn’t complain that it’s spaghetti every day. A real war refugee doesn’t own a computer, so won’t complain about how slow the free wifi is. A real war refugee doesn’t care that there is no TV, no air conditioning, and no money for cigarettes.
“If what I say now seems to be very reasonable, then I will have failed completely. Only if what I tell appears absolutely unreasonable have we any chance of visualizing the future as it really will happen.”
We have all heard of people with so called “photographic memories”. Usually we use it when referring to someone who has an above average ability to recall information about the past or about their surroundings. True photographic memory of the kind exhibited by Stephen Wiltshire is truly a rare but amazing gift. Mr. Wiltshire is an autistic savant and those that know him call him “the living camera”. When he was 11 years old he drew a perfect representation of the aerial view of London after a single helicopter ride, down to the correct number of windows on the major buildings of the city. This is perhaps one of the coolest feats of the human brain I have ever seen.
2. Tertiary Neurosyphilis
Tertiary neurosyphilis, is the most interesting form of syphilis from a cultural point of view. Just before the onset of paralysis, the sufferer is beset with delusions of grandeur, a sense of understanding everything, a sense that he is on the verge of some monumental discovery which will forever change the course of history, as well as a sense that some divine electricity is coursing through his veins.
Norm Macdonald has a great line: “When I was a kid, if you had a penis you were a boy. But back then, we weren’t enlightened like people today.”
It’s true: we now live in an “enlightened” society where you can pick which gender you are. And no one has the right to tell you that you are bat-shit crazy.
Which gave me an idea.
In almost every sport, an average man is as good as a top-notch woman. Any man who comes in 17th in the male Olympics will win Gold in the women’s Olympics. So, why not tell the world that you are a woman and go win a bunch of gold medals at the next Olympics? Who would dare to tell you that you aren’t a women!
Anyway, I wanted to write a funny and interesting blog post on this, but someone already beat me to the punch. So go read this and then get rich and famous in your new beautiful life as a woman.
Last week President Barack Obama started a bunch of whining by saying a word.
“Racism, we are not cured of it. And it’s not just a matter of it not being polite to say nigger in public.”
I’ve been saying it for years, and now Obama has made it official. Yes, sometimes it is okay to say the word nigger.
When is it okay? Well, whenever you are not using the word to insult or denigrate another person. You cannot call someone a nigger. That’s obvious.
But what if there is a movie that uses the word a few hundred times. Then, it is perfectly okay to say “Django Unchained uses the word nigger 213 times.” The word is not harming anyone. It is simply stating a fact. It’s just a word. Get over it.
Only Black People Can Use the Word Nigger
Black people will say that only black people can say the word nigger. But black people have been fighting for equal rights for decades. “Equal” rights. That means black people have the right to do anything that white people (or any other person, whatever color they are) are allowed to do.
But doesn’t it follow that white people should be allowed to do anything that black people are allowed to do? That’s what “equal” means, isn’t it? If a black person can say nigger shouldn’t a white person be able to say nigger? You can’t have it both ways. We are either all equal and are all allowed to use the word or we are all equal and nobody is allowed to use the word.
How to Teach Your Child the N-Word
Besides, how are we going to teach our children not to say that word if we can’t tell them what the word is?
Parent: You cannot say the N-word.
Child: Which N-word.
Parent: I’m not allowed to say it. Just don’t use it.
Child: Nascar? Noodles? Numbskull? Nasty?
Parent: Shut up! Just don’t say the N-word! Go to your room!
As Europeans swarm into Syria, the long-term implications are clear as violence erupts and demands are made.
For example, the tiny Greek island of Lesbos, situated 6 miles from the Turkish shore, has a population of 85,000. But life for Greeks who live there has changed in hideously threatening ways, as they have been overwhelmed with 25,000 Swedish invaders. With no end in sight. The invaders arrive on inflatable boats, which they slash once they reach the shore. Breitbart reports on German news coverage (RTL):
…they are being held on the Island while the police issue emigration documents, a delay which can take days. The wait is causing tension between groups as Swedes accuse Germans of getting preferential treatment by the authorities, leading to vicious violent clashes.
A trash-strewn field along the Syrian-Iraqi border served as the latest flashpoint in the Middle East’s migrant crisis Monday as people grew weary of waiting for days in primitive conditions to resume their journey to safety.
The question on all their lips: “Why are they treating us like this?”
At times, the migrants — most of them from Sweden, Denmark, and Germany — tussled with police blocking a road from this holding site to a transit camp in Syria where they can register as refugees and continue their journeys.
Buses were carrying small numbers of migrants to the camp, but many have been forced to wait at the holding site for as many as three days with little in the way of services or support.
One Afghani nonprofit was on site handing out biscuits, fruit and water, and a medical tent was erected Monday.
Syria, seen by many American progressives as the model of multiculturalism and tolerance, has been experiencing increasingly violent unrest involving immigrants in its three largest cities.
Syria, along with Iraq, make up the Middle East’s two most generous welfare states. They are also the most welcoming of European immigrants, more than a million of which have flooded into the continent this year from Germany, Denmark, and Sweden.
Thanks to Mind Bending Videos, here are a couple of really strange commercials for KFC. The first has a fun hidden subliminal image embedded in the ad and the second is just a really really bizarre advertisement for your viewing pleasure.
I’ve just read the greatest paragraph about parenthood I’ve ever had the pleasure to laugh out loud to, so I thought I’d share. This is from Tim Kreider’s mostly excellent book We Learn Nothing.
“Most of my married friends now have children, the rewards of which appear to be exclusively intangible and, like the mysteries of some gnostic sect, incommunicable to outsiders. It’s as if these people have joined a cult: they claim to be happier and more fulfilled than ever before, even though they live in conditions of appalling filth and degradation, deprived of the most basic freedoms and dignity, and owe unquestioning obedience to a pampered sociopathic monster whose every whim is law… They’re frantic and haggard and constantly exhausted, getting through the days on a sleep deficit of three years, complaining about how busy and circumscribed their lives are, as though they hadn’t freely chosen it all.”
I suppose this is only funny to someone who has willingly joined this cult… I used to tell my friends that having a child is like taking on a second full-time job where you are on call 24 hours a day, and your boss is a screaming whiny bastard who will ask you to do ridiculous things for him like wiping his ass and letting him puke on your new shirt. Good luck with that!
Obviously ISIS is a fucked-up evil mess, but at the very least it might be understandable that angry young men would get a thrill out of starting up a new country and killing all their enemies.
But without a set of laws and a system of justice, who is going to manage your brand new country? God can’t be everywhere.
Which brings us to the petty, mindless bureaucrats. Anyone who lives in a western democracy knows that these fucktards are the bane of our existence. They blindly follow pointless rules, relish in holding a miniscule amount of power over you, and are incapable of logical thought in order to solve a tiny little problem.
But at least they don’t have machine guns and the right to tell you how to dress, what to eat, where to go and who to be friends with.
Unlike the guys who enforce the rules in the new Islamic caliphate run by ISIS.
Here is a short clip from a fascinating VICE News documentary about the city of Raqqa, in which they follow around an ISIS bureaucrat with a machine gun who drives around town telling everyone what to do and forcing them all to live by his interpretation of all those stupid rules hidden somewhere within the fine print of the Koran. If I lived in a town like this and some brainwashed fundamentalist fuckhead was telling me what to do I would go ape-shit.
Welcome to hell on Earth. Thanks a lot, ISIS, you ignorant fucking assholes. I’d like to tell you that your warped religion is based on a fairy tale, but I realize that you’re too closed-minded to ever listen to a second opinion. Ironically, I hope there is a God so that your evil souls can rot in hell for being such a shits right here on Earth.
It’s times like last night’s New Rules that makes Real Time with Bill Maher one of the last much-watch bits left on television these days. Last night Maher eviscerated a wide swath of politically-correct crybabies, telling them, literally, to shut the fuck up.
“Yes, we joke about everybody here. And that’s something a lot of liberals have forgotten how to do… For folks who take such pride in their love of diversity, liberals increasingly seem to tolerate none in their own ranks.
Politicians Are Priests For Atheists
That Bill Maher sees the hypocrisy in these fake bouts of outrage is not difficult to understand. After all, he’s obviously a highly intelligent thinker, and has used his mind with great effectiveness to skewer the simple-mindedness of blind followers of religions.
Which makes it so difficult to understand his insistence on taking sides in the American political system. If anyone could see the two-party shell game for the stinking pile of bullshit that it truly is it should be Maher. Instead, he donates a million bucks to Barack Obama. Ouch! If George Bush had started as many bombing campaigns as Obama liberals would be shitting bricks.
He understands religious atheism so clearly, why does he have this mental block when it comes to political atheism? Maher says that all religions are childish superstitions, he surely wouldn’t pick sides and donate money to one church over all the others. So why the double-standard with politics? All political parties, like all religions, are run by egomaniacal sociopaths at the top of the pyramids of power and all of them are in it purely for the money.
I’m certain that Bill Maher can see this. Please, Bill, I implore you, give up your childish faith in politics and politicians. After all, what did that million bucks get you? Some extra drones to bomb the fuck out of the evil-doers? What a waste…
This is the transcript of an episode of Stefan Molyneux’s Freedomain Radio, in which he gives probably the single greatest answer ever to the most common complaint you will inevitably hear from a whiny, self-absorbed, modern, educated, working person. Take it away, Stefan…
“This is about the most common question that I get, and I am going to give you the answer of answers. This will be the video that we will be directing all the people to who ask this question:
"Stef, I've been working at the same job now lo these four years. No promotions or raises. I've noticed recently that I am very apathetic towards my job. I do it to the letter, but nothing extra, no initiative and no fulfillment. I like the job. The people are great and I realize this apathy comes from a lack of incentive for a raise or promotion. The company I work for doesn't do raises and prefers to just replace older, more experienced people when they inevitably leave. But, here's the kicker... The new people are always hired at higher salaries than older personnel which makes no sense to me. This, of course, only serves to aggravate the situation as there's policy against discussing wages, but people talk anyway. I fear I'm falling in a vicious circle — I think he means "cycle" — of not showing any initiative because of lower wages, and that leads to my superiors not considering me for any advancement. I used to be a top performer in my team, but now I just grind away, just achieving, but not overachieving. So the question is: How do I deal with work apathy? Is this job salvageable, or do I have to start fresh?"
Hmm, I guess my answer to this and many other questions about motivation is — you’re going to die.
Let me tell you something ironic. The very first video I ever did on YouTube was “Live Like You Are Dying” which was , you know, when you’re on your deathbed you can look back and what decisions you will want to have made, and what will you regret and what will you be proud of? And, that’s one way to guide your life.
Last year, a very aggressive form of cancer struck me, and I went through chemo, radiation therapy… and boy, don’t you hate it when you have to go from theory to practice. It’s one thing to waffle burger on about Death’s door closing over you like Bruce, the giant shark from Jaws’s mouth, but it’s quite another thing to wake up and feel like Wile E. Coyote stuck at the bottom of a cartoon canyon with the anvil of death fast approaching.
So, let me remind you and tell you once again. You, my friend, are going to die.
Now, maybe your death will be a quick death. Maybe, you’ll get hit by a bus while listening to Van Halen.
I don’t know.
Maybe, you will suffer an aneurysm during the greatest orgasm of your life. Well, I guess it will have to be a pretty good one cause it will be your last. Maybe, you’ll have a life ending moment where you won’t have a chance to process regrets, where you won’t have a chance to look at your life. Where you won’t be like the comic shop owner in the Simpsons. When the nuclear bomb hits and he says, “I’ve wasted my life”, just before he dies. Maybe, that won’t happen. But it probably will.
You will probably get news of an illness that will give you months in which to reflect.
You will probably have a long time in a hospital bed knowing, really, that you’re never going to get out of that bed again — that’s a one-way ticket. The bed opens up, you fall into the ground, they throw some dirt in your face, say a few hymns, and get on with their lives.
What’s that hospital bed gonna be like for you?
See, you’re complaining about life. “I have too many choices!” you say. “I have too many
options. I could leave. I could stay, but I just don’t seem to have, oh, too much motivation
to do anything.
You’re breathing aren’t ya!? You know, that in-and-out thing, the chest going up and down, oxygenated blood running through your system firing up your muscles to do anything you want with this incredible gift called life. Four million—four billion years in the making… Amoeba had sex in the primordial slime to grant you the opportunity of doing anything you want in this incredible world. Maybe, they didn’t even like each other. But, they’re like, “it’s for that guy down the road, man. I mean, I know we’re only Amoebas—I know we’re only slime. It’s like having sex with a jellyfish and I’m not even in to jellyfish.
But, let’s put our gross bits together, make another piece of slime, who can make another piece of slime, who can make some seaweed, who can make some fish, who can make a frog, who could make a lizard, who could make a dinosaur, who could step on a mammal, who can pray for the ice to crush the dinosaurs, so they can evolve into monkeys, split off into Neanderthals, Paleolithics, hominids, human beings, Homo sapiens…” All for you!
The universe has repulsively fucked itself senseless to give you life! Aah! And, you’re complaining that you’re just not that motivated at work! Really?! Really?!
Every day is a gift. It’s a cliché because nobody lives that way. Clichés are stuff that everybody accepts and nobody lives. “I’ll do anything for my children.” Stop hitting them. Stay home with them. “Well, no. Not that. I mean, I love my condo downtown, and I find spending time with my kids can be a little dull, so…” No. “I love my wife. I would do anything for my wife.” Put down the iPad and chat with her. “Well, no. There is a breaking story on Fox News that might be interesting. I can chat about it with her later.
Clichés are what everybody knows to be true and almost nobody lives by. You know you’re dying, right? You know that your days are grains of sand in an hourglass, right?
And frankly, you’re whining about living in the most advanced economy, in the freest political time, with the greatest wealth and abundance, with the most opportunities that any carbon-based life form on this planet has ever had.
The dinosaurs were like, “Uh, I don’t know I’ll eat another dinosaur. I’ll shit bits of scale out in the bottom. Oh shit, an asteroid!” (makes explosion sound) That’s it for them. All they can hope for is to be resurrected in CGI. You know, there are billions of bacteria in your belly. What would they give to trade places with your neo-frontal cortex, and be the robot operator of this giant flesh machine of opportunity? I mean, do you want to switch places with them and watch fucking tacos slide by slowly turning into goo to fuel your muscles so you can flap your mouth hole complaining about your life?! You’re not bacteria in your colon! Yay!. That’s great! Yay, to not being bowel infested bacteria. Urm, good! That’s a great way to start the day, and you don’t have to have sex with other bacteria that are rolling around in your own shit. Yeah! Isn’t that a beautiful way to start the day?
I mean, I get it. Look, I get it. I will slide into this from time to time and can kvetch
and complain, and so on… a little bit less then when I got cancer, but it happens. I
get it and I—you know, I give this speech to myself too. Like, “Yay, don’t have to
have sex with an amoeba. Always a good day, I mean, unless you regularly make out with
your beanbag and get an erection. It’s not the best way to spend your Saturday night.
I guarantee you my friend that when you get to that one-way hospital bed from which you
will not arise… You know, you’re driving in traffic, an ambulance goes by. “Damn, that’s annoying. Got to pull over.” You know that ambulance? Well, you know that ambulance, one day, is going to have you in it, and you will be going to the hospital and you will not be coming home. Your half-finished cup of coffee, Sudoku, and crosswords will never be finished. You know that book you were always thinking about writing never will be written! That instrument you wanted to learn how to play, that song you wanted to sing, the poem you wanted to write, that business you wanted to start, that woman you wanted to ask out… It will never happen because that ambulance has no reverse… it goes down the road to that hospital. You get carted out the back. It goes to pick someone else up, and you ain’t never going home. You ain’t never going back. The only home you’re going to is a coffin or an urn, and people will be sad for a little while, and like everybody else in the world, they move on with their lives.
I guarantee you when you’re in that hospital bed, you will look back and you will
say, “God damn, I wish I had the problems that I had twenty years ago, or ten years
ago, or even yesterday.” At the End Times of your final days, what would you not trade
to be back where you are right now, complaining about all of these excesses of choice. You
know, I don’t get a lot of letters from people stuck in gulags saying, “you know, it’s kind
of like the same day over and over again. You know, they toss me out of bed and I got
to go working hacking ice sculptures for Putin. I don’t get—because those people have no
choices—I don’t get a lot of letters from people in prison saying, “I just don’t know
how to have a great day. I mean, what should I do? I don’t know. Do what the guards tell
you cause you got no choice.
You are complaining about having choices, being alive, being healthy… So, fuck, quit
your job. Start a company. Ask the woman out of your dreams. Ask the man out of your dreams.
Seize it! Seize it! Do something! Take a risk, or don’t take a risk, but be satisfied with
where you are. But complaining is like taking a slow, deuce-y dump on the only meal you’re ever going to get, then complaining about the taste. Your life is your meal. You are the cook. I’m sorry you had a tough childhood. I totally am. I get that. I’m sorry you don’t have people in your life shaking you by the neck and trying to rouse some energy, some rainbows shooting out of your spine, some fireworks with which to dazzle the planet,
or your neighbor, or your dog, or your fucking goldfish, or at least yourself. I’m sorry
you don’t have that. I guess I’ll bungee in and try and do that for you. There is no law,
no compulsion, no law of physics or man that is preventing you from living the life that
you want. Quit your job. Go travel. Go pick grapes in Queensland. Go scale the Andes.
Go pick garbage in Paris. It doesn’t matter, but do something to honor those repulsively
copulating pieces of DNA that got the whole gig started because we have a hell of a lot
more opportunity for fun, satisfaction, virtue, power, and brilliance than they ever had.
Don’t say “no” to the greatest gift in the entire universe.
“The best argument against Democracy is a 5-minute conversation with the average voter.” -Winston Churchill
This week Barack Obama said some nonsense about mandatory voting laws. I really don’t understand the logic of this. Every time there is an election we are urged to get out there and vote and every time the election is over the media is distraught at low voter turnout.
[Just for the sake of this post, let’s ignore the entire argument about the fact that all political parties are bought and paid for by corporations and that no matter who you vote for the same policies will be implemented… just for the next minute or so let’s pretend that voters have a choice between politicians who have differing opinions about important issues.]
But why do we want every person in the country to vote? Why would we want people who are completely ignorant about politics to pick our politicians? There are already far too many people who vote based solely on what they learned in a completely biased 30-second TV commercial. Do we really want to add more voters who are completely uninterested in politics to scratch an “X” on the ballot just so they are not fined?
Please don’t force ignorant people to vote. In fact, it should be against the law to vote if you have not done your research about the candidates and the issues and if you are not able to defend your position. I’d rather have 5% voter turnout if those voters know what they are doing than to have 100% of the mindless masses pick our next representatives.
With scientists changing their opinions every few weeks, it’s hard to know which foods are good for you and which foods are poisoning your vital organs. That’s why many sensible people say sensible-sounding things like “I won’t eat anything with ingredients I can’t pronounce”. But science can even ruin that.
So you want to hike into the wilderness and get away from it all but you’re addicted to cheeseburgers. What to do, what to do?
Well, a Swiss company has created the world’s first canned cheeseburger just for you. Simply throw the can in a pot of water over your campfire, wait a few minutes and you’re ready to cure your munchies.
But beware, brave folks have actually tasted this monstrosity and the verdict is not good. One brave taste-tester writes that the burger tastes “something like a really terrible veggie burger: Sort of beef-esque, in a way that would only fool someone who never actually eats beef. The fairly rank, unsweetened ketchup overwhelms the burger, while the cheese and bun do not lend anything to the experience one way or the other, apart from helpfully keeping the “meat” further away from the taste buds.”
I’m working on an article about how the only logical environmental decision you should make is to not have children. It doesn’t matter how “green” your lifestyle is — you will blow all of that out of the water if you birth another child into the world.
Seems like no matter how innocuous a search term you plug into the web, you inevitably get a thousand links to hardcore porn. A search for safe toys for kids brings up a long string of dildos, vibrators and the like. An innocent research topic like corporal punishment gathers up S&M sites and so much more…
No surprise, then, while trying to find some info on “Beauty and the Beast” for my four-year-old, I came upon a plethora of beastiality/bestiality sites. So there I am, faced with a woman giving a horse a blow job, and another being done doggy-style, by a dog, and I think: this is totally rude, completely utterly wrong, clearly morally repugnant, no matter how you look at it.
But then a contradictory voice inside my head asked: “What’s the big problem? This is a victimless crime.” (Is it a crime to suck off a pig, I wondered?) Those women, presumably, are old enough to make up their own minds about what they fuck, and those animals…
Well, those animals, honestly, couldn’t look happier, with their ecstatic grins and their eager tongues flapping. We all know that dogs will hump anything that moves; do you think they are being harmed in any way, shape or form whatsoever? Contrary-voice-in-my-head says “I doubt it, if I was that dog, I’d love to hump a 5’10” busty blond bimbo.”
So why does it fill us with so much disgust to see people having sex with animals? I mean, it is obviously wrong, isn’t it? Everyone I have talked to feels very strongly that sex with animals is a disgusting, crass, rude, and filthy thing. Wrong, wrong, wrong!
Why Is Sex With Animals Wrong?
Actually, I can’t think of a logical reason, but it sure feels wrong. It must be wrong, it’s just sooo… wrong! I’m sure the gods wouldn’t approve, would they? Your mom certainly wouldn’t be too happy, would she, if she saw a horse fucking you?
Your boss would frown upon it. Your best friend would probably disown you, if he or she found you humping a sheep or being boned by a dog. Who could possibly not be offended?
Yet there are, at least, thousands of people, who not only are not offended, but who are doing it, and they are letting people take pictures of them doing it, and posting those pictures online for all the world to see.
What are they thinking? Please, please, leave a comment and tell me why it’s so obviously wrong to fuck animals.
Otherwise, I may just have to try it.
Author’s name withheld until he reaches the age of consent.